I had everything I thought I wanted. A career built on passion, a high-ranking position, financial security – the whole package. I wasn’t just another developer; I had climbed my way to the top. CTO. Decision-maker. Leader.
But somewhere along the way, something changed. The thrill of solving problems? Gone. The excitement of building something new? Replaced by exhaustion. Every morning, I woke up with a sense of dread, staring at my screen, feeling nothing. Burnout.
For over 14 years, I was a backend developer. I started early – teaching myself to code in primary school. It was my passion, my identity, the thing that defined me. My first job? A dream come true. What could be better than getting paid to do what you love, right?
But here’s the hard truth: passion can burn out. And when it does, it leaves behind nothing but emptiness.
Living the Dream – Or So I Thought
Looking back, it seemed like a perfect scenario. Passion, a high-ranking position, a sense of purpose, financial stability, and influence. I had it all. Then… what the hell happened? How could I have burned out? And yet, here we are. Some might call it a midlife crisis; others, a first-world problem. But to me, something was missing.
The Moment That Changed Everything
In early 2021, I stumbled upon a book titled “The Cafe on the Edge of the World” by John Strelecky. At first, I was skeptical. The subject and description didn’t seem promising to me – at least, not at that time. But since it is a very short book I decided to read it. Long story short, it is a book about a man that is lost and ends up in some shady cafe in the middle of nowhere. Inside the café, a “magic” menu displays questions like: “Are you fulfilled?” and “Why are you here?”. Cliche. But after reading it in one go, I felt – for the first time – that something wasn’t right, something was missing in me.
A seed was planted
That book planted a seed in me. My subconscious started searching for answers to the questions in that book. Why? Why am I doing this – why am I working here? Since then, I’ve spent countless hours reflecting, reading about purpose, happiness, and philosophy, and watching videos on the subject. I thought I had found the answer and tried making changes in my company. But my gut told me something else – it told me to quit. I did not listen. Always listen to your gut! Please.
The Trap of Success – And How It Held Me Hostage
I fell into a vicious trap – I was attached to the past, to the identity I had created in my mind, to my EGO. In my mind I was a successful entrepreneur, a backend developer, a CTO. A person who moved from the bottom to the top. I reached the TOP! I was very proud of this, so how could I leave it? How could I forsake this? Who in their right mind would bury all of this, walk away, and start over? Not me, at least not until late 2024.
Burnout – Ego is the enemy
There is a book “Ego is the enemy” by Ryan Holiday. I haven’t read it, but I feel that if I had in 2021, I’d be in a better place today. By late 2024, I was a shell of myself. I had nothing left to give—no excitement, no motivation, not even for the things I once loved. Video and board games? Meh. Football? Didn’t care. Coding? The thought of writing another line of code made me want to cry. I felt trapped in my own life.
The Breaking Point – And My Escape from Burnout
At that point, during one of my long walks (walking and the gym really helped me), I decided I needed to end it – I had to cut the chains. At that moment, after making the decision, I felt an immense relief – as if all my problems had vanished. I wish I had done it earlier – not as a last resort. But regrets won’t change the past.
Burnout – Game Over
So… is it really game over? Did I just throw out 14 years of hard work? I don’t see it that way. Before I made the decision, I thought that way – but not anymore. I see it as an opportunity. Opportunity to grow, to learn, to face new challenges, to meet new people. And above all, an opportunity – not to do what I should, but what I truly WANT to do. Honestly? I’m a little excited.
Lesson learned
I’m slowly rediscovering happiness. I have a long road ahead of me, but I’ve learned my lesson – not to cling to the past or to an imaginary version of myself. I know – it’s easier said than done. But believe me, the sooner you learn this, the better.
If you’re feeling trapped, stuck, or exhausted, ask yourself the hard questions: Are you living the life you want? Or just the one you think you should? You deserve a life that excites you. Don’t wait until burnout forces you to change.
I know – not everyone has the privilege to quit their job. leave everything behind, take a year off, and reinvent themselves. But you don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start small. Take one step – however tiny – toward the life you actually want. Because even the smallest step in the right direction is still progress.